Frankie says relax, dammit!

I had an eye appointment this morning. I absolutely despise eye appointments, but about a year ago I managed to lose my reading glasses and as of late I have been developing the headaches which the reading glasses were designed to prevent. I also figured I should probably take advantage of my insurance while it is available to me.

The exam started off pretty typically with me filling out a form about my eye history. The doctor seemed a little disgusted that I'd managed to lose a pair of glasses, so I felt it was necessary to explain that I'm pretty sure customs took them out of my suitcase and forgot to replace them. At least I think so. At least it sounds better than me irresponsibly forgetting to pack them somewhere along the road during my months abroad.

Anyway, in the middle of my explanantion about customs the doctor interrupted "so, you don't have the glasses with you then." Um, no dude, that's what I'm explaining to you.

We went through the normal paces with me covering one eye, reading, covering the other, reading through different lenses, talking about which view was clearer. Then things took a turn for the worse.

"I'm going to give you some drops, check for glaucoma, then dialate you eyes." Did I forget to mention that I absolutely flip out if people touch my eyes? I can't stand eye drops, I don't like fingers coming toward me, anything. The doctor manages to get one drop in my right eye before I start twitching like a crazy person. He goes for the left eye, and it's all over. I scrunch the eye shut and yell droplets run all down my face, pulling my eyeliner and mascara with them. The doctor pries open my left eye and tries again. This time at least something gets inside.

Then I have to sit with my chin in a light contraption while the doctor PUTS A LIGHT ON MY EYEBALL. Yeah, right. He tries it with the right eye, which I immediately scrunch shut. Dialogue as follows:
Dr: "Relax."
Me (nervous giggling): "I'm trying, I don't like having my eyes touched."
Doctor tries again to touch my eye with the machine. I now have involuntary tears running down my cheeks, which are dyed yellow.
Dr: "RELAX! Keep both eyes OPEN!"
Me (still giggling, feeling like a special needs employee): "Seriously, I can't control it. I don't like my eyes touched."
Dr: "BOTH EYES OPEN!"

Yeah, because yelling makes me so relaxed. After he finally semi-checked for glaucoma (pretty sure I'm a little young for that test anyway) he goes to put in the dialating eyedrops. Without warning he grabs my right eyelid and inserts not one, not two, but THREE eyedrops. Then he goes for the left. Suffiice it to say, that was at 10 this morning and I'm currently still sporting the sunglasses and it took me three hours to be able to see enough to clear the eyedrop gunk off my face.